Glad to be here

I used to be the go to person in a crisis, unless that crisis was my own. Then I had no skills what so ever to pick up the pieces. I have told myself time and time again that I am in a good place, and then been proven oh so very wrong by my own self doubt and mind crushing sadness and lack of hope. I stopped saying that to myself for a long time for fear of the universe throwing me things I was simply not ready to deal with just to test my soul and crush it. These past two, two and a half years may have started with rock bottom, but they have allowed me to grow into a person who can take a blow and not even fall down. I got some of the worst news the other day. The C word. I had my moment of tears, of rage and of shock. I called the people I needed to call and dealt with the information in a healthy way. What would have taken weeks, or months to process before was taken in, dealt with and made peace with in a matter of hours this go around. I am no longer afraid to say I am ok. I am no longer afraid of the energy I put out there returning to me. I love me and I am not going to give up on this for anything. Hugs to the old me. I am sorry I had to put you through that to get to here, but you are strong and safe now in this space. You cry, you laugh...you feel exactly how ever you feel at any given moment. I love you and I will be here for you no matter what.

Now to examine big C and get this show on the road.


I need to find a better job, a bigger place to live, and do my best to make that body for my baby to live in. Maybe that body was already made by someone else. I dont know. But I know this spirit is haunting me in a good way. This spirit wants to experience life on this world more than anything and wants me to be the guide for the first few decades. I love you baby #2. Big hugs and lots of Kisses.